© Kurt Halsey

A poet is an unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so strangely formed that when the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful music… and then people crowd about the poet and say to him: “Sing for us soon again;” that is as much as to say, “May new sufferings torment your soul.”
– Søren Kierkegaard

When I was eighteen years old I was a poet and an artist. This wasn’t my profession, I was driven to write and create by the same force that drove me to draw air into my lungs. I haven’t written a poem in about four years now, but when I was writing I churned out close to 250 poems in just a few years. Writing was my therapy, my way of quietly communicating the ideas I wanted to shout out loud. Much of it was typically angst filled, but that made the medium no less powerful to me and the way I grew though them no less effective.

Though I enjoyed the finished product of many of my poems, the process was quite painful for me. Each poem was born out of dark periods in my life, struggles, conflicts and soul searching. The reason I haven’t written in years is because I am finally happy with my life, no longer tormented with the angst and depression that defined my younger days. When I first came across this quote from Kierkegaard at eighteen I was astounded. He was able to put into words the exact feelings I had towards writing, towards creating in general.

After a year or so I forgot the Kierkegaard quote, lost on a scrap of paper in an old apartment most likely. That is until this afternoon. I visited the newly redesigned Kurt Halsey website and came across a blog post from Kurt that brought the quote rushing back into my memory. In his post (simply titled “A home for ghosts.“) Kurt talks about the differences between creating in art school which allowed him to make mistakes without thinking twice about the way that messing up a piece would effect other people, he simply used these mistakes to grow as an artist. Then in shared studio spaces with other artists, some of whom were good friends and others were quite full of themselves. Now he creates in his own home where he struggles to separate his work, his commitments, his creative mojo and the space that he needs for relaxation and escape.

It seems that many of the artists I know or have come across in recent months have been struggling with the demons their creative gifts bring along. When you depend on your creativity to pay your bills it can make those inner demons shout even louder. Every brush stroke, every line, every word you put on the paper can seem terribly hideous in your eyes. Then your paint mixing skills take an unwelcome vacation when you’re trying to finish a piece on a quickly approaching deadline. Sometimes being an artist can be really lonely. There are days when you would like nothing more than to never see a piece of your own work ever again.

Then you take a break. You leave the studio, go for a walk, grab a cup of coffee and sit down to people watch for a few hours in an area you don’t frequent very often. You breathe, you think and you wait. Eventually your creativity comes swaggering back into your life. It might take a few hours, a few days, months or perhaps even years, but it does come back. If you’re an artist at any career level you know that deep down inside you. You know that at some point you’ll begin to hear that nagging, tiny voice inside you call to you and demand your attention.

When it comes back it’s never the same, we progress, we change and we grow. Our creativity is no different. You might find after a break that you can no longer do some of the things that used to be second nature to you, things that you now have to work at and sometimes you find new talents have been added to your bag of tricks.

When things get rough take a break, even just for an hour or two. Try a different medium, if you normally use oil paints switch to watercolor or chacoal for a couple of days. Whenever I get creatively restless or blocked I switch between colored pencils, black ink pens, watercolors, acrylics and writing. It’s a constant battle to keep my wits about me when creating, I’m always learning new things and for the most part my work is always progressing. Keep at it, don’t give up and don’t let the waves of doubt you may have discourage you. You may never reach your creative goals, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth pursuing.